5 Reasons You Are Overgiving
Giving feels good and extending a hand to someone in need is a good thing to do. But what about when you over-give to the point of exhaustion? If you have been giving too much of yourself and have stopped taking proper care of yourself, you may be over-giving.
Over-giving is when we give too much time and energy to others that we deplete our reserve. Women are more likely to over-give than men, but anyone can give too much. Here are five of the common reasons why you are over-giving.
Sometimes you can over-give out of guilt. Maybe someone has given you more than you have given them. You may feel guilty and keep giving them gifts or time to try to make things feel even.
For example, if you have a significant other that took you on an exotic trip that you could never have afforded on your own. You may feel obliged about it and fix them a big breakfast every morning, causing you to be late for work. This is an effort to compensate for the guilt you feel you NEED to give back what they gave you.
However, most of the time, this guilt is just in your head. The other person doesn’t expect anything from you for the gift they wanted to give you. Instead of over-giving, you can tell them how much you appreciate the gift and move on from it.
Sometimes you can over-give if you think you are the only one who can do something correctly. For example, suppose you are taking over all the work because you believe only you can do the job right. In that case, this can be a form of over-giving that shows self-importance. So instead of taking over everything, you could share some of the responsibility with others at work. Let someone else be in charge, too, so that you don’t risk your ego taking over again.
3. The Belief That Others Can’t Do for Themselves
You may be over-giving if you believe others can’t do for themselves. Though you may feel that this is coming from a place of love, you may be stunting their personal development by doing everything for them. For example, if you always come to your child’s rescue every time they make a mistake, they may not be able to learn essential problem-solving skills.
Over-giving to others can have the opposite effect of what you intend. Try explaining how to do something and letting them try instead of always doing everything for them. In the long run, you’ll be helping both them and yourself when you stop giving so much and let them do some things for themselves.
4. Need for Appreciation
You may be over-giving to others because you need to feel appreciated. You may think that if you give and give your time to others, they will appreciate you more. You feel a sense of meaning in life when you feel appreciated. Instead of over-giving to feel appreciated, you can change your thought patterns.
You can give time and energy to yourself instead. Do something that you enjoy and practice positive self-talk. If you feel negative about yourself, try to change your thoughts to positive ones. You can get a gratitude journal and write down things you are grateful for daily. You will start to appreciate yourself more when you practice gratitude.
Codependency can be dangerous. You will neglect your needs if you give so much and allow the other person to rely on you for everything. You feel that if you give yourself to the other person, you will find your worth. Codependency is toxic for both parties. If you think you may be codependent, step back and set some boundaries.
If you are constantly meeting your partner’s needs, they may also feel low self-worth. The first step is to practice self-care and learn how to value yourself. For example, spend time making yourself happy by taking an extra-long bath one evening or watching your favorite TV show. Once you realize your self-worth, you’ll be able to stop over-giving.
Try Hiring a Life Coach
Once you determine the motives for your over-giving, you can determine ways to cut back your giving to a healthy amount. You can hire a life coach if you are still struggling with over-giving. A life coach can help you learn to stop over-giving and start to take care of yourself first. Reach out to UnPause Your Life and find a life coach to help you stop your unhealthy habit of giving too much of yourself today.